To my youngest and maybe last child I'll ever have. Happy Birthday.  It's such a special time for me, because you brought me strength. What I went through just to have you, I was actually brave and courageous this time.  You are so beautiful, outspoken, adorable with that baby face....and I pray God keeps you safe and healthy.  I will always love you. You are a gift to me that I will always cherish.

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I am Korean by ethnicity, American by nationality, and my children are half Black of Jamaican and Cuban descent.  I've experienced racism, through big and small situations by blacks, Asians who discriminate because I was not raised by Asians, and of course Whites.  I believe the most serious forms of racism were through black individuals: one situation where I was denied health insurance, another where a supervisor at my job spoke blatant racist remarks to me, and another where I was discriminated due to my race trying to apply for an apartment rental. 

I grew up around whites pretty much, experienced a lot of taunting all through childhood.  Some adopted Asians fit right in, either because they were very attractive, or outgoing, where I was really timid and quiet, by eyes extra slanted, and I can't say I am all that pretty.  The Asians I knew who fit in I guess acted more "white?", my personality wasn't vivid or loud enough to break stereotypes.  Well anyways, I ended up moving to Florida, where I experienced a whole new culture, and instead of being around all white population, I then was then the Asian living in a majorily black neighborhood and work place.  I eventually moved back to Massachusetts with my four children.  The town I moved back into seemed so much more diverse, may things still the same, but ethnically more diverse.  At the time when I moved to Florida, many Chinese and Vietnamese were moving into the town with violent and blatant opposition from the white population.  Eventually they got used to it, my town has probably one of the largest Asian communities in Massachusetts, besides Lowell and Boston.  Blacks when I was younger were banned from the housing projects, now I see so many more black, Spanish, Cape Verdean, Portuguese, and Brazilian.  It suprised me to see as many black people as I did.  So needless to say, I thought discrimmination had subsided.  I wasn't worried for my kids going to school in my town, whereas if they were going to school during my time I would have. 

My kids started school, noone asked them a million questions about their ethnicity, and they never got made fun of.  But my 2nd son has two best friends, and the parents honestly don't realize that my son is half black.  They know he is half Jamaican but they are not quite clear on what Jamaican is. One of the mother's commented that she didn't think my son was "Negro", when she heard he was Jamiacan.  Only for my son's sake and to not embarrass him did I hold my tongue.  Granted this family is so good to my son, but they obviously have their prejudices.

His other friend's mother said two days ago another comment, that she didn't want her child going to a certain high school because it is too mixed, and that she prefer her son going to the other high school because its mixed with Chinese rather than blacks.  She prefered her son be around Asian than Blacks because Asian did better in school.  My little daughter was listening to the comment, I had to cover her ears acting like I was playing or patting her hair down so she didn't hear.  I was in awe, because this mother was Albanian, not from the U.S., I didn't know what to say, and my mind was thinking so many things. 

Then yesterday, as my oldest son was walking to his friends house with a couple of his "white" friends, the police stopped him while walking and searched him.  Mind you they were all just walking and the police did not question or search his other friends.  When I heard this I became extremely upset.  My son told me not to get upset, the police was doing his job, and that he didn't mind because he had nothing to hide.  My son also said he knew it was because he is black but he was not offended.  I don't feel at ease with this.

Then today, a family friend of my boyfriend's stopped by his mother's house.  He was telling us he got into an accident and hit a guard rale because a deer jumped infront of his car, so he had to swerve into the breakdown lane, and crashed into the guard rale.  A white police officer came and gave him a ticket, for driving in a breakdown lane along the guard rale which was illegal.  The neighbor said he didn't wish to fight the ticket, because 'you never know with the police when you disagree with them, I am just a black man".  A second officer was at the scene to ask if Mr. B*** was ok, and even disagreed with the other officer giving him the ticket, but regardless he still received the ticket.  WTF???!!!!!!!

My coworkers daughter as 'witnessed' to be at a scene of some sort of crime.  They mailed my coworker court papers and everything, that her daughter was witnessed doing something illegal, driving my coworkers car.  (They are Kenyan).  She was aquitted because her daughter was at work at the time of the incident and did not have my co-workers car at the scene.  Mind you this happened in my town. 

My supervisor who is from Ghana just received court papers in the mail, that her son was in a scene of illegal activity as well.  She doesn't know if he was or if he wasn't, he did have her car that night, so someone reported the tag number.  Her son tells her that he did not absolutely do anything.  My coworker being realistic said her son could or might not have done something, because he is a teenager, and she wasn't there.  On the other hand it could have been racial profiling - its such a shame that we just don't know.. So she has to go to court - not knowing which to believe... her son, or the witnesses.  Her son has never been in trouble, he graduated high school, and is typically a good kid. 

So my son also told me that he consciously doesn't dress in baggy pants, or a certain way.  And its not because he doesn't like the style, its because he knows when he's out people will look at him a certain way, and that he doesn't want to be stereotyped and have people look at him a certain way, particularly the police.  He said he knows the police single out black individuals with the 'do rags' extra baggy pants.  Mind you his white friends wear the baggy pants, baseball caps and all that, but my son is afraid to dress a certain way when he goes out because he says " I know how it is, I know how people are going to look at me and assume things."

But why should my son have to go through that??? I was lucky this incident was just a police search, but it could've been worse.  And its so difficult to explain these concerns to my white parents.  They think I don't like the police, or certain black people don't like the police, just to not like them... or because its the thing to do, or its just something to whine about.  Maybe they never said it in those words, but more or less that's what they think.  When I brought the incident up to my mother, they just kind of brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal.  But it is!  My son is only 15, he shouldn't have to go through this.  Racism is still real and alive.... and I feel for my children, I never wanted them to have to go through this, its naive of me to think that things have gotten better, they have in some ways, but not as much as I thought, not as much as I've thought.